Steinbeck was a genius. The only unfortunate thing was that he, like the Australians, did not have Christmas. They had Uggs. Fur goes on the outside, it's nature. Back to the eight legged satanic-minions- why do I attack these multipodal creatures of the deep?
Oct- ( eight ) from Greek
Pi- (plural, masculine) from Latin
That is why. The Octopi have combined themselves into a super-animal above the rules of grammar and men and transcending the cultural barriers of (dead) languages. For this reason they will not be tolerated. Besides this, they have eight legs. That is two more than the devil's number (that's 6 for those of you not fully versed in Patmosan apocolyptic literature). Four horsemen will bring the conversion of the Jews (the End of the World, Mr. "I got that first reference") and two is exactly half of four. That second part? Coincidence? Probably.
Wait for it- I just invented a purpose for this.
There is a war coming, we can practically smell the blood rotting in the fields east of Eden (again, thank you, John; no thanks to that rib-stealing whore Eve). This war will be fought , for all those children (and men) who can't sleep because of brounies (and the US Government), for all the animals that cannot fight for themselves, and for each plant and rock and field and river, among us. Why will we fight?
It Doesn't Fucking matter.
If you learn anything from human history let it be this: one, Cats will sneak (and Egyptians will not kill them), and two, people will kill each other for whatever reason is the most important at the time. When an issue is eliminated, the next molehill becomes the tallest mountain. Sharpen your axes, boys, they called us French (that was e.g. -- being called a froggy would, in fact, be valid reason for belligerence).
What do we do? For the sake of humanity and all that is holy (or unholy you hell bound devil-fish-lovers), we must take the most mundane, ridiculous issue possible and eliminate this cycle starting today. We would eventually have got to that end anyway. No, I already thought about that, this principle does not apply to drinking. This is nothing like getting your stomach pumped before you start hammering back neat whiskys (no "e" assholes) alternated with caffeinated drinks and smoking unfiltered Kamel Reds. The main difference, besides my actual preparation for our war, is that there is not a bad side to alcohol(-ism?.... maybe?).
The War will end the slow cliff dive history has until today been. If we just skip all the other petty bitch-fits in our (slow, repetitive, eternal) fall from grace we will get a lot more done, you know, progress-wise. War is, in essence, fought to eliminate differences.
Our Causus Belli : the devil-fish.
I have outlined my position. Take up arms, ye believers in the one truth above all others, ye destructors of the infidel, and fight with me for the end of world as we know it.
(f-you REM, its mine now).
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Baby octopi. You mean devil-fish?
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3 comments:
come on don't delete a post--- say it and stand by it like an evangelical in the oval office.
Oh that, basically it was along these lines:
First off. What. The. Hell.(And yes broke up like that in Hemingway (yes folks, the poster child for abortion) fashion. Over use of periods of emphasis.)
Secondly, how did you star with that and in with an REM comment? You are either amazing or mental incapacitated beyond anything currently known to man, which leads us to believe you're intellect as deep and interesting. Not sure where that's going, but why should that matter considering the organized word vomit you shared?
Thirdly, logically you don't make any sense at all. However, some how you manage to tie things that have no point together in a semi-organized fashion and sound decently intelligent.
Lastly, If I didn't know any better, here's how I'd see it:
I'd think you were an Ivy League student who snapped while writing their dissertation on something that makes me want to kill myself like Hemingway or Steinbeck (we've been here before, you know my feelings on them, and the whole devil-fish thing just made me think of Hemingway and that damn fish that won't die for 90 plus pages, bastard or a fish). I digressed beyond return, which leads me to this...The college student who has had several unsuccessful suicide attempts and was currently writing this blog from within a mental ward.
Did you follow that? About how your writing goes. You know there was substance. You know it was intelligent but what the hell was it?
Sometimes I think you're like the scientist who came up with PCP. Intelligent but subsequently deranged.
You're awesome & it's enjoyable to read your rants.
Please do rip a new one for every American so we may further feed our inadequacies and pour salt into the wound of every previously affronted topic.
In all other words do beat every dead horse.
It's hilarious.
(ps. I swear this makes sense when you haven't slept in 20 hours.)
-Erica
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