That Asshole Darwin and Flying Monkeys

Right, so I am the asshole here. I will balance Andrews level head and lack of assumptions. I will lay waste to logic- it makes no sense- You can prove anything. I will do it with a truly unique wrting style: straight from the stains of inner America and a stream of conciousness taint that will merely confuse most. DEAL. This doesnt have to make logical sense. You understand and that's all that matters (ex. remember when teachers made you show your work even though you got the right answer...?). We will not get any more creative alone, but Ill be damned if the sobering experience of the world won't give us something new to bitch about. That made no sense. Go cry.



I hate natural selection. It is the devil’s plaything. Darwin stole all my fun, well maybe not Darwin, but he told me I would never have any more fun and that is insolence I will not tolerate. Without Darwin I could have lived in ignorant bliss of the fact that I will never in this suppository of existence have to defend myself against a flying monkey (eg. Wizard of Oz). No, I will never truly appreciate my existence in anything more than theory, and if Charles were alive I can assure you that at least once a month threatening bricks would break his windows (windows... such an ugly word) for his raping of my dreams in this fleeting life.
Let me clarify, and for some of the ignorant among the readers, I compel you stop here.

Good. Now those of us who are actual products of the theory rather than detrimental regurgitations of this backward horrible repugnance of nature holding the world to slow random change splintered by the recessions that only minority realize are faced-- can continue to read. (More and more convoluted until only I can understand what is going on here. This is my head- no filter- access- I dare you try.) ((I am not sure that was either relevant or necessary.))

Like I said, I wish that I would see flying monkeys attack. Life would never be so interesting. I fain wish that I could beat off (no---- but yes?) those devils from above each day on my way to school from the parking lot. Those iconic creatures that haunt every nook and cranny, for some of us occupy the same closets as our abuses, never seem to be real. I’m pissed- not just because we’re out of fruit loops.

Ignoring the fact that Darwin’s ideas are shit—seriously, how can human life be the best thing in millions of years of natural practice- either his ideas suck or nature does. Nature does not suck, from what I was told until it spewed from every orifice: God is nature; however, if God is flawed and God created man in his image; then man is flawed; the fact I exist contradicts this; so we must accept the secondary (sounds sort of like the argument for no god- can’t prove it so must be the other...? fuck me... it all makes sense now). Anyway, Darwin tells me I am never going to see a good change, like monkeys developing wings, or vampires coming back (they existed just 20 years ago I’m told), or dragons eating that gutter-slut Guinevere. That upsets me- the Katrina inside shall not calm.

We were better when we were not the top of the food chain. We felt so much more and took so much more pleasure. Every last moment that we were alive was an adventure. We created so many advances to get along. We invented genocide to decrease the food sources and thus decrease our predators. We* destroyed anything that held us back from the survival of the day—dodos being an example.
*Remember that this time I us the plural 1st person I am in reality referring to the singular of the same.

What I am trying to say is that every time we took a step away from all those around us we grew further away from what life is really about and started to get tied down by the restraints of our own strength. We created games to entertain our instincts that by now have been willingly to hell: the economy, art (specifically modern- in all seriousness, this raucous, belligerent insult to humanity would not be anything lost if someone would devastate each and every last modern art gallery with fire- this is a call to arms), and the idea of “self esteem”.
If vampires would team up with killer flying monkeys to carry off our children and actually provide come sort of challenge to our lazy gutless selves maybe these puerile ideas of glory, expectations of fair fights, and the general theories of adult “age” would dissipate into what they are worth. Nothing.

We are left with two options go forwards or backwards. Those ignorant who are still reading as I implored against are about to get a mind fuck- we take both (yea, go to hell, you should’ve listened). We must both go back in time and grow monkey/vampire hybrids.
The abhorrent among us have just left. Thank you.

The back in time thing, yes, we need to travel back in time. Backwards is sometimes a good thing, especially ideas, we see this every day in the rural parts of our country. They push us to better our ideas, and to truly see how disappointing human faith can become. By backward in time I am obviously referencing the Invasion of England in 1066. We need to go back to that and stop English history. The crap that constantly is spewed from the mouths of people my age is astounding. They don’t SHUT. UP.

THINK.

I am proposing that we stop the history of English development and thus the abominations that spill forth from the grungy crevasses of today’s youth in their papers, speeches, and everyday usage. Sometimes I question the value of Literacy itself.
That tirade was tangential at best. It has nothing actually to do with the argument. It did, however, allow me to skin the cat that is required of me by dicking with readers who try to question my pure thought.

Whatever. We must go forward. We must all find a new reason to stay alive past blasé games invented to occupy the imbecilic masses. I predict vampire monkeys for the future—but we need something now (ha ha -insert Cheney reference here-). For now that we all see (how fears string us out like crack) maybe we can accept death and get out of this life alive.